Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
