I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
