anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
