Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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