My friends, they love my intelligence
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's just like the Real World with babies
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You had me at "let me see your balls"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
