now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
