You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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