So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
