walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
