so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
