no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
