Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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