he shaved USA in his pubs
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
