You work out of a Hotel?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize