i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
