Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
