I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
