I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
