did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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