Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
