Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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