I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
