we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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