You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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