we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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