in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
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I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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