Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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