The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
