dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
