dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
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I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
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That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize