3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
you never un-have a 4some
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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