Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
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Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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