i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
