his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
false alarm. still invincible.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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