Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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