Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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