He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
