i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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