i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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