i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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