Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
