Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
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at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
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How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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