The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
