ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
