I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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