Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
