please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
