how can u be prego again
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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