i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
