Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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