Sry I called you an 8
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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