So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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