The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
