coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
