Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
