I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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