Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
