i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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