dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
