i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
