My first STD was from a foam party
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
