goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
